Diary – Day 1
Starting a new project is always difficult. This time is all about writing a public diary, an idea I have had flying around for a while. I have found the biggest challenge to be growing a set of balls to put the truth out there without adornment, without fancy words or softening the language to make me feel better.
I expect this diary to have both, periods of excitement and periods of boredom; to be scary, most of the time repetitive, as when ideas get stuck on inaction. I am also hoping for it to help me grow.
Taking into account three other projects I am running simultaneously, finding the time to explore, expand, and pause to sit down and write, it is going to be a challenge. It doesn’t help to have a day job, which brings me to one of the biggest blocks in my life right now: the amount of time and energy lost.
Time being not really the biggest problem, the biggest problem is the amount of energy that consumes being in a place I don’t want, doing something I don’t like, it is soul draining. It is consuming being stuck between making the jump to full time artist and the security of a paycheck, it takes balls, even more so when art’s income is 0. Yeah definitely something to work on, just that I haven’t found the solution yet and is getting really frustrating.
Not only “jobs” do that, but they also create many fallacies. Weekends are a lot more productive for me as an street photographer than any other day. Not just because time, but mainly because there is a change on the “air”. People behave in a more open manner, instead of looking at their cell phones and walk down the street with a whole lot of strees, they are in a “let’s have fun” mood than during weekdays.
At the end, everyday is the same! The sun rises and sets the same. Nevertheless is also affects me. Taking breaks now and there to do my art while having the second thought that I have to be back soon to “prison” becomes a negative experience.
It is as if all were part of a obsession with rules and rigid timelines, as if we had to have everything under control. News: There is nothing under control. So why not society as a whole loosens a little bit? No idea.
Still, it is affecting me anyways…. That have been the beef of my day for the most part. The whole frustration with 9 to 5 + trying to make art on the illusionary impossible hours, such a persistent illusion that it gets to feel real.
PD: I have noticed I haven’t been writing to fullest, to the deepest I could. It is indeed hard to open up truthfully to the world. I guess it is something I have to start gradually getting better at during this diary.
Thanks for reading, let’s see how it goes tomorrow.